Spend any time in the spiritual or dating communities, and you’ll see people talking about their twin flame. Maybe you’ve wondered if you have one. Perhaps you’re trying to decide if someone in your life is your twin flame.
It’s a nice idea, as we’ll get into in a moment. But as with many nice ideas, it’s also open to manipulation and exploitation by people who don’t have your best interests at heart. They can prey on your good nature and hope for the future to suit their own needs.
You can even end up in a toxic relationship – and find yourself thinking it’s somehow good for you.
Let’s take a look at what twin flames are, the 3 ways they can normalise toxic relationships, and what you can do instead.
What Are Twin Flames?
The general idea is that a soul split in two and ended up in two bodies. Unlike soulmates, where you’re two ‘whole’ souls that come together, the twin flames idea asks you to accept that you’re ‘half’ of yourself. Meeting your twin flame lets the soul reunite, which is why these partnerships are supposedly so passionate and intense.
A soulmate connection is always a romantic one, but not with a twin flame connection. It can also lead to an intense friendship instead. While you might have lots of soulmates but there can only ever be a single twin flame.
On the positive side, being two halves of the same soul can mean meeting someone who feels like your twin flame gives you a sense of familiarity and comfort. They just ‘get’ you on every level. You might even have the same interests or perspectives.
Katherine Hurst explains it like this: “Many people describe an uncanny sense of having known their twin flame all their lives.”
Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Trouble is, it’s not just twin flames who can give you that kind of uncanny sense of familiarity. Narcissists and manipulators are skilled at ‘reading’ you, and reflect back to you what they think you want to see.
So, let’s look at the three ways the idea of twin flames normalises toxic relationships.
- The Wrong People Use ‘Twin Flame’ Language With You
Not everyone that you meet will have your best interests at heart.
And not everyone who wishes you harm will call themselves your twin flame. You might apply that label yourself. Sarah Prout, while arguing in favour of twin flames, still notes that the danger of the idea is that we try to convince ourselves someone is our twin flame.
She also warns people that manipulative types will use twin flame language to make others feel special. If someone tells you you’re their twin flame and you’ve been seeking yours? You might mistake their ‘love bombing’ for a genuine connection.
Some experts excuse the tension and conflict present in these relationships as part of natural growth. In this line of thinking, the ‘drama’ is necessary because your twin flame is reflecting your own baggage back at you. Shakti Sundari has a horrifying story of how she fell into the trap of misreading narcissistic behaviour as twin flame love that you can read here.
2. You Expect Conflict – So You Excuse It
When people fall into a toxic relationship, they can normalise the damaging behaviour as being part and parcel of a twin flame encounter.
Most believers in the theory agree the whole point of a twin flame is to help you grow. Your twin flame has lessons to teach you, and vice versa.
You should be able to learn and grow with your partner. That’s how a healthy relationship develops over time. But you grow together, not by undergoing this ‘push and pull’ of toxic behaviour.
And the people who believe in twin flames are primed to expect drama and conflict. In a non-twin flame relationship, a person might heed caution the moment anxiety raises its ugly head. They may re-evaluate the signs in the other person’s behaviour. The red flags show up and they walk away.
But in a twin flame relationship, the person misinterprets this anxiety as part and parcel of being with a twin flame. They ignore the red flags and get sucked deeper into a toxic relationship
It also requires an unhealthy level of attachment to the other person. Nancy Garden asks, “Have you ever felt really close to someone? So close that you can’t understand why you and the other person have two separate bodies, two separate skins?”
That isn’t closeness and connection. That’s codependency.
3. They Don’t Encourage Lifelong Partnership
Other twin flame experts also point out the often temporary nature of these connections. Because the twin flame relationship is there to help you grow and heal, you might not need the relationship once you’ve learned the lessons.
This in itself is a problem if you’re yearning to build a life with someone. It’s hard to be vulnerable and fully present if you’re trying to navigate the chaos of a toxic relationship. That’s especially true if you go into it thinking you can only leave the relationship once your soul has ‘learned its lesson’.
That’s just as bad as the damaged thinking that causes people to think they’ve manifested a narcissist.
Because twin flames aren’t necessarily lifelong attachments, it can cause the ‘on/off’ nonsense that often comes with them. People can return to overly dramatic or dangerous partnerships, purely because they’re convinced the other person is their twin flame.
If Twin Flames Are Such a Problem, What Can You Do Instead?
It sounds obvious, but stop stressing about finding your twin flame or your soulmate. This puts so much pressure on any potential relationship before it has a chance to develop. Instead, focus on finding a good relationship by learning what it is you actually want.
We don’t mean writing lists of qualities you want to manifest. That leads you to treat potential dates like a checklist. You may end up keeping the wrong ones because they seem to check the boxes.
One of the many downsides of twin flame relationships is that people go into them expecting to be healed by the process. Believers say the depth of the love involved reveals all of your wounds and traumatic patterns. Being with your twin flame helps you fix them.
You should do this healing before you enter a relationship. It’s your work to do, not your partner’s.
Our signature 12-week Love With Intelligence program will lead you through this healing process using a combination of coaching, hypnosis, and weekly training. You’ll heal from the past and find the relationship that’s right for you.
Finding that relationship can be difficult. Seeing people as we want them to be, and not as they are, is an easy mistake to make. So, your other task is learning how to peer behind a person’s social mask. You need to be sure they are good for you – and not too good to be true.
We can teach you how to do this with our 4-week Identify & Disarm Narcissists program. You’ll learn cutting-edge techniques, developed in partnership with Chase Hughes – the man who trains military intelligence operatives – to stop a narcissist taking hold of your life.
It starts on 18 May and it’s the best protection your dating life will ever have.
What Do You Think? Have You Had Any Experiences With Narcissists?
Hop on over to our Facebook group and let us know! If you are unsure whether you have had an encounter with a narcissist, then feel free to take our quiz below.