Why You Keep Attracting the Wrong People—and How to Break the Cycle for Good
Do You Keep Asking Yourself, “Why Am I Attracting the Wrong Partners?”
Maybe you’ve noticed the pattern:
Emotionally unavailable partners.
Giving more than you’re receiving in relationships.
Feeling stuck, unfulfilled, or questioning your worth.
You’re not alone. According to the National Relationship Survey (2023):
62% of adults feel stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns.
48% of women admit to settling in relationships because they don’t believe they can find better.
It’s exhausting, isn’t it? The dating apps, the self-help books, the endless cycle of trying—only to feel like you’re back at square one.
But here’s the truth: it’s not your fault. And with the right guidance, you can break free and create a love life that feels aligned with your worth.
In this blog, we’ll dive into:
The root causes behind why you’re attracting the wrong partners.
The emotional toll of staying stuck in these patterns.
Actionable steps to create a healthier, more fulfilling love life.
Why Loved UP, my coaching program, is designed to help you step into the love you deserve.
Why You Keep Attracting the Wrong Partners
It might feel like bad luck or poor timing. But often, unhealthy relationship patterns are rooted in your past experiences and subconscious beliefs.
1. Unresolved Trauma
Your past shapes your present, especially when it comes to relationships.
The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study found that unresolved trauma can lead to:
Difficulty trusting others.
Fear of emotional intimacy.
Attracting partners who mirror past emotional pain.
If you grew up with a lack of emotional validation or inconsistency from one or both parents, you may unconsciously seek relationships that recreate those dynamics.
2. Low Self-Worth
When you don’t feel worthy of love, you’re more likely to settle for less.
A 2022 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships revealed that people with low self-esteem are:
2x more likely to tolerate toxic behaviours.
Less likely to set boundaries or walk away from unhealthy relationships.
Plus this is a toxic cycle as emotionally abusive relationships do decrease self worth.
3. Familiarity Feels Safe
Your brain craves what it knows—even if it’s harmful. This is why you might feel drawn to emotionally unavailable partners. Familiarity isn’t the same as compatibility, but it can feel like it is in the moment.
This can also look like meeting someone that you feel like you’ve known for years despite only just meeting them. It can also be playing out people pleasing behaviours out of a desire to be wanted, appreciated and loved and out of a fear of disappointing someone.
4. Lack of Clarity and Boundaries
Without a clear understanding of your needs and non-negotiables, it’s easy to overlook red flags or settle for potential rather than reality.
Did you know that knowing who you are compatible with dramatically improves your chances of meeting someone who is right for you? This is why we created the compatibility matrix within the Loved UP! program.
The Emotional and Physical Cost of Unhealthy Relationships
Staying in unfulfilling relationships doesn’t just impact your emotions—it affects your entire life.
Emotional Burnout: Constantly giving more than you receive can leave you feeling drained and questioning your worth.
Mental Health Risks: Toxic relationships are linked to a 65% increase in anxiety, depression, and PTSD (National Institute of Mental Health, 2021).
Physical Health Consequences: Chronic stress from relationship turmoil has been shown to cause insomnia, high blood pressure, and a weakened immune system (American Psychological Association).
The longer you stay stuck, the harder it becomes to break free—but it’s never too late to change.
Why Traditional Dating Advice Doesn’t Work
If you’ve tried dating apps, self-help books, or advice from friends, you might wonder why nothing has worked. Here’s why:
1. They Address Symptoms, Not the Root Cause
Swipe better. Communicate more. Try harder. These solutions don’t address the deep-seated beliefs and patterns that keep you stuck. They also don’t show you how to prevent dating the same type of partner again and again.
2. They Don’t Consider Trauma or Emotional Conditioning
Without healing your past, it’s nearly impossible to create healthy, lasting connections in the present. When you don’t feel comfortable with yourself or feel at peace with your past then it’s really difficult to feel safe within yourself and safe to be vulnerable with someone new. Being vulnerable with the right person supports deepening intimacy and trust.
3. They’re Generic
Your journey is unique. What works for someone else might not resonate with your experiences or needs. Plus a lot of the advice out there turns dating into a game. You don’t need to date lots of people all at once, you don’t need to wait hours before you text back and you don’t have to play by rule like these to cultivate a genuine connection.
How to Break the Cycle and Attract Healthy Love
Breaking free from old patterns is possible, but it requires intentional work. Here’s where to start:
1. Heal Your Past
Unresolved emotional wounds can keep you stuck in unhealthy dynamics. The right support can help you release emotional baggage and feel safe in love again.
2. Build Your Self-Worth
Self worth links to the standards that you set yourself. So take sometime to look at your life? Where could your standards be higher? How can you begin to really create a life that you love and a life that is nourishing to you? When you have a life that you love, you are more likely to attract the right person to share your life with because your standards are higher.
3. Learn to Recognise Red Flags
Some common red flags include:
Inconsistent communication or behaviour.
Dismissing your feelings.
Avoiding accountability for their actions.
Pay attention to actions, not just words. In Loved UP I personally vet profiles and dating matches for you so you don’t have to worry about ending up in the wrong relationship.
4. Get Clear on What You Want
Make a list of your non-negotiables in a partner. Focus on values like emotional intelligence, communication, and long-term compatibility. In Loved UP we do a session that’s soley focused on compatibility and identifying the right partner for you and then creating a strategy so you can meet a compatible partner with ease.
Why Loved UP Is the Solution You Need
Loved UP isn’t just another dating program—it’s a personalised coaching experience designed to help you heal, grow, and attract the love you deserve.
What Makes Loved UP Different?
💖 Trauma-Informed Healing
Unresolved trauma often creates barriers to intimacy and trust. Loved UP focuses on releasing emotional baggage and creating a safe foundation for love.
💖 Rebuilding Self-Worth
You’ll learn to set boundaries, trust your intuition, and build unshakable confidence.
💖 Evidence-Based Dating Strategies
Using behavioural profiling, you’ll learn how to identify emotionally intelligent partners and navigate dating with clarity and confidence.
💖 High-Touch Personalisation
Unlike generic advice, Loved UP is tailored to your unique journey. You’ll receive one-to-one coaching, a customised roadmap, and ongoing support.
What You’ll Gain from Loved UP
When you commit to Loved UP, you’re investing in more than just your love life—you’re investing in yourself.
Here’s what you can expect:
✅ Freedom from past relationship patterns.
✅ Confidence to set boundaries and trust yourself.
✅ A clear strategy for attracting compatible partners.
✅ The tools to create and sustain a thriving relationship.
Real Stories, Real Results
💬 “Lily helped me uncover the patterns that were keeping me stuck. For the first time in my life, I feel confident in who I am and what I deserve.” Denise - UK
💬 “The tools I learned in Loved UP didn’t just help me find love—they helped me find myself. I finally feel confident in what I bring to a relationship.” Emma - USA
Your Path to Love Starts Here
Imagine stepping into a relationship where you feel valued, cherished, and confident. No more settling, no more overthinking—just the kind of love that feels aligned with who you are.
Loved UP is here to guide you. Together, we’ll break old patterns, rebuild your confidence, and create a clear path to the love you deserve.
💖 Apply today to begin your transformation
The love you deserve isn’t just possible—it’s waiting for you to claim it. Take the first step today, and let’s unlock the relationship you’ve been dreaming of.
